The Importance of Self-Esteem: How to Build Self-Esteem [2021]

How many times have we heard about the importance of self-esteem, and how many others have we talked about it? Everyone says that we should have high self-esteem, but, many people are still wondering, and how do I do it? How to improve self-confidence in myself? Well, if you are wondering what can be done about your self-confidence, then keep on reading. As you already know, self-esteem is the image we have of ourselves and that image is what we project to others.

Factors That Influence Self-Esteem

The formation of our self-esteem depends on many aspects. Some of them are:

Our education

The education we have had is key. It is important to reinforce children appropriately; if you constantly repeat that “it’s not good for…”, he will definitely keep that idea. You have to strengthen your efforts, your talent, your skills; that is, concrete aspects. Nothing of “you are the best in the world”, that is very ambiguous and also, it is not true.

Our experiences

It will also depend on the successes and failures we have had in our lives. Successes help us to trust ourselves and to think that we do. Failures must be managed well and that is achieved by taking an apprenticeship of them and not, punishing us for having failed.

Our level of perfectionism

Wanting to be perfect also affects our self-esteem, but a low self-esteem. Among other things because, to consider ourselves perfect means that we can not or do not give ourselves permission to never make mistakes; and that, simply is not possible. There is no one perfect and there is nobody who is never wrong.

Importance of Self-Esteem

Yes, it is important to have good self-esteem because that will help us to face situations and tests that of not having it high, we would not even try it. We would assume that we are not capable, that we are not qualified or sufficiently prepared. The importance of self-esteem cannot be stressed enough.

But, do not get confused, having good self-esteem does not mean that we have to believe the best in everything. That would be to have excessively high self-esteem and, simply that is neither possible nor true.

In the same way, to consider that we are bad at everything, that is, to have very low self-esteem, is neither true nor possible. The appropriate thing in this subject is to have realistic and unconditional self-esteem. That is why it is important to know some self-confidence tips such as those given below.

Be Realistic

That we are realistic means that we are aware of our strengths, weaknesses, qualities, defects, virtues, etc. that is unconditional, what it means is that “I accept, I love and I respect myself as I am, with my virtues and my defects”.

Here I have to make another clarification because… unconditional does not mean that what you do not like about you, accept it, leave it that way and that’s it. Among the aspects that you do not like about yourself, you have to differentiate between what you can not change and what you can do whenever you want.

Change What Is Possible

You have probably read a lot of self-esteem articles, but what really is the secret? What you can not change, you will have to accept, is the most intelligent, for example, the height, however much you would like to measure more… it will not be possible.

Of what it is in your hand to change, you will have to choose between feeling bad about it or working to be able to modify it. This last yes that makes your self-esteem rise and, as you go putting goals and getting them, you are reinforcing the self-esteem, you are feeling better and better with yourself and increasingly able to achieve what you propose.

Another way to strengthen the importance of self-esteem could be to do a little exercise each day. It consists in that, at nightfall, you make an analysis of the good things that have happened to you throughout the day. Once the list is made, assess what qualities of yourself have intervened in each of those things. This can help us to be more aware of the qualities we have that we are often unable to see.

Strengthen Self-Esteem

Some other tips that can help you boost the importance of self-esteem are, set goals in the short term and as long as they are achievable. As I told you before, the achievement of goals makes you feel more and more confidence and confidence in you. That you do not get any, it’s not so bad, it helps you learn from mistakes to do it in another way in the future.

Do not compare yourself with others, we are all different, we have different circumstances and we are all unique, so comparisons do not fit. Finally, it is all very well to ask the opinion of others, but remember that you do not need the approval of others. The most importance of self-esteem is to be yourself.

Strengthen Self-Esteem

There are different types of self-esteem according to whether it is high or low and stable or unstable. Self-esteem is one of the most important factors for personal well-being and a key to relate to the environment that surrounds us in a positive way.

Since the different types of self-esteem have their peculiarities, in today’s article we are going to review their characteristics. You should know about these types because of the importance of self-esteem.

Self-Esteem and Its Relationship With Well-Being

Although the concept of self-esteem has been one of the most confused, questioned and analyzed throughout the history of psychology, most experts indicate that it is an element that is inherently in each individual and that is exposed to multiple modifications throughout our lives.

Self-esteem evolves and develops due to the relationship with the world, and it changes constantly since it is linked to the change of society.

Factors That Explain Good(or bad) Self-Esteem

It seems that there are 4 relevant factors that affect self-esteem, are the following:

  • The history of triumphs and the position reached through the recognition that triumphs provide
  • The areas associated with the different triumphs, as long as they are significant for the person
  • The respect, acceptance, and interest that the individual receives from the people he considers important in his life
  • The control and the defense before consequences and negative implications. That is, the internal or external attribution that the person makes of negative events

The 4 Types Of Self-Esteem

As we have said, self-esteem needs to be nurtured, in varying degrees, from the outside. Although the bases are built during childhood, self-esteem is not unalterable in other stages of life.

It is important to emphasize that self-esteem is not the same as self-confidence. Self-confidence(also called self-efficacy) is related to the specific goals and objectives that we propose, while self-esteem refers to the overall assessment we make of ourselves.

Since self-efficacy refers to the confidence in the capacity of oneself for a specific task goal, someone may think that he is very good at practicing tennis, but he may have low self-esteem: he would like to be taller or have a better physical, on the contrary, relies on his ability to beat his rivals on a tennis court. Self-efficacy could positively affect the self-esteem of the individual if he considers it a priority in his life.

High and stable self-esteem

External circumstances and life events have little influence on self-esteem. People with this type of self-esteem develop openly because they do not need to defend their image, they defend themselves. In addition, the person is able to defend their point of view without being destabilized.

High and unstable self-esteem

People with this type of self-esteem have high self-esteem but are unable to keep it constant. Competitive contexts can have a destabilizing effect. They respond with a critical attitude towards failure since they are perceived as threats. The individual will show conviction in defending his point of view, but will not accept other points of view and will tend to monopolize the word in a discussion.

The instability of the importance of self-esteem leads to placing self-esteem as a central concern and requires preserving it at any price and appealing to an aggressive attitude(to promote it) or a passive one(to protect it).

Low and stable self-esteem

In cases where there is low and stable self-esteem, external events(whether favorable or not) do not alter the self-esteem of the subject, who does not strive to promote their personal image and is underestimated.

Individuals with this type of self-esteem are undecided and have a great fear of being wrong. These people do not defend their points of view since the assessment of themselves is always negative, they believe that they are not up to the task.

This type of self-esteem is very common in people with depressive tendencies, who because of their pessimistic mentality do not usually perceive their personal achievements as such, assuming that they are the result of luck or chance.

Low and unstable self-esteem

People with this type of self-esteem are often sensitive and influenced by external events. As soon as they face a successful event, their self-esteem rises, but as soon as the euphoria of the moment ends, their level of self-esteem drops again.

That is to say, that this type of self-esteem is defined by its lack of solidity and the instability it presents, which makes it highly sensitive to all kinds of events, however irrelevant they may seem from a rational point of view.

Certain classes of narcissistic people, for example, are characterized among other things by having low self-esteem and very dependent on the opinion they perceive of others. The importance of self-esteem should be paid attention to by these people.

Effects of Low Self-Esteem

The importance of self-esteem cannot be stressed enough. If you have low self-confidence this is what could happen to you.

Suicide ideas

This being the most extreme symptom, in terms of the psychological part.

Feeling restless without knowing why

Not finding peace or serenity in any situation, always feeling that something is missing or not being satisfied and calm at any time.

Lack of appetite

Yes. This can also cause low self-esteem.

Difficulty to concentrate

If at any time it has happened to you, it is not 100% safe but it is possible that the cause is low self-esteem.


Not believing that your goals are going to be carried out, not even thinking that at some point you will be “Someone in the life”(as they say there).


Having negative thoughts before oneself and before anything in life. Always see the negative side of everything, and not find the positive.

How To Build Self-Esteem In Adults

A sad mood

Usually, it shows in facial expressions… The eyes are seen as dull, dull, and always without the spirit of anything.


Feeling constantly worried, for no apparent reason or more than usual.


At any time of day and for no apparent reasons, even when you have fed and slept well.


Of different types, whether real or imaginary, but constantly feel afraid.


An expression of anxiety very common is eating disorderly and more than necessary. Either way, anxiety in any expression is a common symptom of low self-esteem.

Irritability in general

Not having a good sense of humor and always being sensitive to any word or situation to feel bad or angry.

Difficulty in making decisions

Being undecided and not taking one path or another, even when we are clear that we simply have to do it.

How To Build Self-Esteem In Adults

Now that you know what are the negative effects of low self-esteem, you probably are acutely aware of the importance of self-esteem. The most effective strategy to improve self-esteem is to learn to conceive oneself in more realistic terms and with acceptance.

It is useless to want to go from a completely destructive vision of oneself to another totally idealized or deceptive. The best thing is to learn to relativize failures and accept each one of our physical and psychic characteristics, understanding that there are things that can be changed, others that can be improved and others that by their very nature or etiology are unchangeable. Here are some ways to build on the importance of self-esteem as adults.

Tips for Having More Self-Confidence

There are 4 ways or guidelines to follow when one begins to review the aspects in which he believes “fail”.

  1. Use a non-pejorative language eliminate all words that have negative connotations: stupid, fat, ugly… These terms are not dangerous when presented in isolation but using them continuously can devour your self-esteem.
  2. Use precise language Do not exaggerate or embellish negative traits, limit yourself to the facts. For example, “I’m not pretty for others” is an inaccurate term. It should be rephrased as “some people find it more attractive and others less because I have very nice features and others less, it depends on what they set”. The idea of “I do not know how to do anything without my husband” would have to be rephrased as “I usually follow my husband’s ideas.
  3. Use a specific language instead of a general one. Eliminate terms like everything, always, never, totally. For example, changing “I hate being alone” to another type of formulations of the type “I would like to be accompanied when sometimes I am alone in my house”. Recognize that problems occur on certain occasions and with certain people.
  4. Find exceptions or corresponding dowries. For example, “I’m shy when I have to flirt at the club, I’m insecure.” It can be changed by “I am shy because I can not talk quietly when I know someone in another context I develop much better. My favorite environment to flirt is… “

How To Improve Self-Esteem In Relationships

People who value themselves little and feel insecure experience great fear of loneliness. As they always need external approval and they panic to stay alone, they develop an emotional dependence that leads them to live in an unstable way and prevents them from reaching a state of fulfillment.

A good account of it gives some couple relationships, which are built to alleviate personal shortcomings of one or both members, rather than what one can contribute to the other without giving up the self. The importance of self-esteem in a relationship is really critical.

Self-esteem is an antidote against the jealousy

In a stable relationship, feeling jealous in a timely manner is a common reaction. The love bond is linked to the fear of losing the loved one, and the fact that a third party appears is, without a doubt, a risk factor. In some cases, however, jealousy becomes an almost pathological problem, which triggers arguments and discomfort.

This has a lot to do with low self-esteem since a healthy relationship is based on maintaining one’s independence and cultivating trust.

A better self-concept, better sex

Self-esteem, autonomy, and empathy are the most erotic qualities of personality, this is because of the importance of self-esteem in relationships.

Although a strong social pressure for the physical is presently latent, having a good image is not synonymous with developing satisfactory sexuality. On the contrary, self-confidence, spontaneity, and communication with the other are some of the ingredients for pleasant sex.

It will make you grow

The intimacy and confidence that arises in a long-term couple can help us to know our own qualities that we did not notice for ourselves.

Accepting the criticisms of the other, always extracting the constructive part, will make us see our weak points, try to improve them and even overcome them. Knowing that we have someone who, despite our limitations or shortcomings, is willing to support us, is something we should be grateful for, and a resource to achieve that security and stability that, as people, we desire so much.

Building Self-Esteem Activities

These activities will teach you how to build self-esteem. So if you are working on building self-esteem and know the importance of self-esteem, you should try these out.

Study how you talk to yourself

Self-esteem manifests itself especially in our internal language, in the way we “speak to ourselves.” It usually happens that in our day to day we give more importance to negative messages, to criticism, to frustration than to the positive.

The praise and motivation to overcome and the messages of self-confidence are overshadowed by frustrations or negative messages.. it is as if “the bad” weigh more in our internal balance(Indeed, it is, “the bad” weighs more cognitively and is easier to remember that good).

It can also happen that bad experiences from the past have affected us, for example, if we have experienced some type of abuse or trauma, or we may have internalized “labels” or negative evaluations about ourselves and dragging them from childhood: analyze your “labels” “and ask yourself where they come from.

List your strengths

Many times we remember the criticism, the things we do wrong, the offenses… but we forget to remember our successes, praise, compliments. For this we are going to make a compilation of them, it is a way to give them more weight:

  • In one compiles the praise that you remember that other people have told you throughout your life
  • In another, it enumerates the capacities and strengths that you consider that you possess.
  • It may be difficult for you at first to remember situations, praise, etc. Take your time.
  • In third list things that make you feel proud of yourself(achievements, attitudes to any situation, etc.)
  • It would be advisable that you dedicate several days to this task: I advise you to fill it out little by little for at least a week.

Building Self-Esteem Activities

Pamper yourself

This exercise has the purpose of fostering self-care, self-respect and “pampering” ourselves. For this, we will start by making a list of nice little things we can do for ourselves on a day-to-day basis. It would be about things that involve “pampering” yourself, taking care of yourself and encouraging pleasant activities or that cause your well-being.

Dedicate time and try to make the list as long as you can. It is not about putting great things but everyday issues , if it is possible to involve actions or experiences(not material gifts) for example: listen to a record you like, go to the gym(or something that has to do with taking care of your health), try a new hairdo, walk around a park for a while, call a friend to chat, prepare a dish you like, read a while. What do you think?