The twenty-first century touts soul mating without fully understanding or promoting the benefits. Yet for thousands of years, God patiently revealed the secret to a glorious lifetime of speaking love in each other's arms--taking care of the mental union to liberate the body for delights beyond description. Truly, God wondrously designed the man to be a lover all his life if he will take the time for soul mating at each stage of his journey.

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Tim and Beverly LaHaye recommend in The Act of Marriage that a newlywed couple not get a television the first year. He claims television robs a couple of their energy and kills sexual desire. Not having one removes the temptation to watch it and forces them to spend time talking and going places together. This helps establish lasting romance in their marriage. (Tim & Beverly LaHaye, The Act of Marriage [Grand Rapids, MI: Zondervan, 1978].)

Many couples today fail to recognize the benefits behind God's law to the Jews. They get married to end the courtship and get on to more important work. They may marry just before the man ships out overseas. Then he may come home, not to a new bride, but to a young mother who must combine the adjustments of motherhood with learning to live with her still new husband.

Others get married while the man goes to school and the wife works to pay the expenses. He reasons that marriage will take a lot less time than dating and will enable him to get on with his education so he can support her later. He falsely thinks marriage will give him time to study every evening and even into the morning hours without distraction. As one college wife said, “Everyone knows being married to a college student is a good birth control method.” Then, when he graduates, he faces the pressures of a new career, and they may never enjoy a honeymoon year of gladness.

Unfortunately, total sexual fulfillment forever evades many such couples. In effect, they placed the military and developing a career above laying the foundation for a wonderful love life.

God's love for mankind shows in his command to Jewish husbands to devote that first year to rejoicing with their wives-to laying a foundation of mutual joy and satisfaction to bless the rest of their lives. A modern bride should be so fortunate as to marry a husband who spends the first year making her blithe, gleesome, glad, joyful, merry, and full of rejoicing as only a husband knows how! And what a wonderful language of love their bodies learn to speak for a lifetime!

Enjoy His Wife During the Middle Years

After the honeymoon, God instructs the husband to keep his priorities straight:

Eccl. 9:9: “Enjoy life with the woman whom you love all the days of your fleeting life which He has given to you under the sun; for this is your reward in life, and in your toil in which you have labored under the sun.”

“Love” means “to have affection for (sexually or otherwise)” (Strong, p. 9).

The normal man takes his responsibilities to provide for his wife and children seriously-probably more seriously than most women comprehend. However, Ecclesiastes warns the man about the dangers false priorities of making his career, rather than his success as a family man, the purpose of his life. The chief reward God gives the man for working to make a living is enjoying life with the woman he loves.

This requires spending time with her to fully share both the problems and joys of life. God created a woman to satisfy the man's need for someone to confide in, to share his triumphs as well as his disappointments, and to believe in him when the world doesn't understand or take the time to see his point of view.

Failure to build this emotional bond in courtship and the first years of marriage makes a man susceptible to emotional affairs with women he works with. John Sandford calls this “spiritual adultery” in his book Why Good People Mess Up: Keys to Upright Living in a Seductive World. Such emotional affairs lay the groundwork for physical acts of adultery because God intends for soul mating to enhance sexual gratification and to take place in the home, not the office. (John Loren Sandford, Why Good People Mess Up [Lake Mary, FL: Charisma House, 2007].)

Many wives will identify with the wife's pain in Sanford's book as they recognize their own husbands' emotional neglect while he gives what belongs exclusively to them to other women. God intended for husbands to work at soul mating and confiding in their wives so that the wife, not the other woman, is their best friend.

To some men, the idea of spending private time with their wives seems like a strange way to describe a loving man. Yet women recognize the connection immediately! Perhaps the greatest unfulfilled longing in the heart of most wives is the absence of both quality time and romance with their husbands. Note that God placed this responsibility for soul mating on the husband's shoulders. The man's reward for soul mating with his wife? Heightened physical sensations-the key to why sex is better sometimes than others.

The man's drive to subdue the earth often hides from him the benefits of quality time with his wife. Seeking ego satisfaction and financial security for his family deceives some men into sacrificing their wives and their families. Sometimes a man realizes the void in his family life but fails to see the connection between it and his priorities. He unjustly blames his wife for his emptiness. Just as women desperately need balance in their daily lives as caretakers of the home, men need to balance God's command to subdue the earth with God's declaration, “It is not good for the man to be alone.”

In Male Sexuality, Dr. Zilbergeld says many men find it difficult to leave their work at the office. Bringing their job worries, pressures, and frustrations home kills their desires and numbs their pleasures. He says men need to learn how to relax. (Zilbergeld, Male Sexuality, pp. 150 and 157.)

He explains that sexual joy increases with age for couples who work at promoting trust, cooperation, and understanding each other. Other couples, however, become bored with each other after just a few years. He said the most common reason for a lack of interest was “relationships with little feeling left in them.” (Zilbergeld, Male Sexuality, pp. 217-219.)

Yet three thousand years ago God told the man to spend time enjoying his wife-that the time spent with her was part of God's reward for subduing the earth. This formula for happiness still promotes a healthy emotional bond along with ecstatic sexual experiences-even in the space age. No techniques can satisfy for long the emotional hunger in a marriage. Only sincerity bridges the gulf between two lovers to unite their bodies and minds in supreme sexual love.

Rejoice in His Wife During the Golden Years

When the man loses vigor through age, God instructs him to continue to be ravished with the expression of his wife's emotional involvement with him in the giving of her body. Indeed, older wives make the best lovers of all because of a lifetime of soul mating during the day fulfilled in each other's arms during the night. How wonderful for men and women to finish out their days with love radiating from their eyes, voices, and bodies because they followed God's plan for glorious soul mating and lovemaking.

Prov. 5:18-19: “Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth. As a loving hind and a graceful doe, let her breasts satisfy you at all times; be exhilarated always with her love.”

The “wife of his youth” is the young girl a man married as a young man, now they are both much older. If a man lays the foundation for a good marriage and a happy love life during courtship, if he devotes the first year of marriage to strengthening the emotional and physical bonds between them, if he makes his wife and family his priority during the height of his career, then when he enters the golden years of his marriage, he will feel blessed as he rejoices in the wife of his youth.

Couples who follow God's wisdom in their daily lives as they learn how to get along with one another and how to solve problems know that sexual love gets better with physical age, mental maturity, and practice. Indeed, they become a marvelous team whose bodies speak greater love to each other than during the hot passion of their youth.

Opposed to God's teaching, Sylvanus Stall taught in his 1901 Victorian guide What A Man of Forty-Five Ought to Know that after forty-five a man was all used up. Not only did he teach that sexual activity should cease, he also cautioned the man not to start any new business ventures--that his brain couldn't stand the stimulation. (Sylvanus Stall, What A Man of Forty-Five Ought to Know [Philadelphia, PA: The Vir Publishing Co., 1901].)

At the beginning of the twentieth century, people thought women wanted only a mental union with their husbands while men wanted only the physical act. Today scientists affirm women want both mental and physical coupling with their husbands. The researchers also know men don't fully enjoy the physical relationship without the mental union. Both the husband and wife need the mental plus the physical for an ecstatic embrace of love for a whole lifetime.

Now the twenty-first century touts soul mating without fully understanding or promoting the benefits. Yet for thousands of years, God patiently revealed the keys to a glorious lifetime of speaking love in each other arms--taking care of the mental union to liberate the body for delights beyond description. Truly, God wondrously designed the man to be a lover all his life if he will take the time for soul mating at each stage of his journey. Such a loving creator deserves to be served wholeheartedly. Yes! Even in bed!

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Copyright

"Soul Mating for Increased Sexual Pleasure: God's Keys for Outstanding Sex" is an excerpt from Chapter 8: “The Sexually Fulfilled Man”
from the book Marriage: A Taste of Heaven, Vol. II: God's People Make the Best Lovers. by Patsy Rae Dawson.
Used by permission.

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Amarillo, TX 79109-1960 USA

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